Why Do I Get Embarrassed Over 'Silly' Things?

You know that moment — the one where you trip over your own feet, mispronounce a word, or wave back at someone who wasn’t actually waving at you. On paper, these are tiny, everyday things. But inside? It can feel like the earth should probably swallow you whole.

And on the outside, you might feel the burning sensation of a red face. Now things feel really intense as you feel like everyone can see your embarrassment and now your embarrassed about being embarrassed!

Deep breathes.

If you’ve ever found yourself lying awake replaying a small, “silly” moment over and over, you certainly won't be the only one. In fact, most of us have our own personal collection of these moments titled: Things I Wish Had Never Happened.

So, why do small things trigger such big feelings?

💡 Embarrassment is a social emotion

At its core, embarrassment is about social belonging. We’re wired to want connection, acceptance, and safety in groups — and when something happens that makes us feel like we’ve stepped outside of “acceptable” (even by accident), our brains tend to sound the alarm.

That alarm can feel a little out of proportion, especially when the “incident” is something as harmless as stumbling over a word. But our bodies often react as if the stakes are much higher, and the physical feelings — racing heart, hot cheeks, the urge to hide — can arrive before you’ve even finished processing what happened.

💡 The ‘spotlight effect’

One reason small moments feel so big is because of something called the spotlight effect. This is the tendency to believe other people are noticing and remembering our mistakes far more than they actually are. In reality, most people are wrapped up in their own world, and the thing you’re cringing over might not have even registered for them at all.

💡 When embarrassment lingers

Sometimes the part that feels hardest isn’t the moment itself, but the hours (or days) afterward, replaying it on a loop. You might judge yourself for caring so much — “It was such a small thing, why can’t I just let it go?” — but the truth is, self-criticism only deepens the feeling.

The more gentle and curious you can be with yourself, the faster the moment will pass.

💡 A space for untangling

This is one of the reasons why therapy can be so helpful for people who find themselves caught in these loops of embarrassment and self-criticism.

In email therapy, you have the space to slow everything down. You can write, pause, reflect, and return to your thoughts before sending them — which often allows those tangled-up feelings to settle and take shape in a way that makes more sense. Sometimes, just seeing your own words on a page can help you understand why a small moment felt so big.

In video sessions, you have the chance to speak things out loud in real time, with someone who is fully present, listening without judgement. Together we can explore not just the moment itself, but the feelings underneath it — the parts that often go unnoticed when you’re busy replaying the surface-level story.

Whether you prefer to write or talk, both offer a space where you can work through these feelings at your own pace, and start to soften that harsh inner voice that shows up when embarrassment hits.

If this sounds like something that would be helpful to you, and you’d like support with the untangling, you can find out more about how I work at www.laurawoodtherapy.co.uk and I'll gladly answer any questions or queries you may have at laura@laurawoodtherapy.co.uk

Warmly,

Laura