Why Do I Care So Much About What Other People Think of Me?

Constantly wondering what others think of you — replaying conversations, second-guessing your words, or feeling uneasy after even small interactions — can feel relentless. That inner voice might whisper questions like, “Did I sound odd?” or “What if they think I’m annoying?” Often, this awareness can feel all-consuming, and it's not always easy to explain to others how much space it takes up in your mind.

One of the most common threads I hear in therapy, especially from people who struggle with social anxiety or self-doubt, is some version of this question:“Why do I care so much about what people think of me?”

It can feel exhausting, can’t it? This constant inner monitoring. The need to appear a certain way. The fear of being misunderstood, rejected, or just “too much.” And often, people bring this question into therapy with a sense of shame or frustration. They feel like they shouldn’t care so much. Like it means there’s something wrong with them.

But from where I sit — in the person-centred chair — this isn’t something to fix or get rid of. It’s something to understand.

You’re Not Weak — You’re Human

Caring about how others see us is completely human. We're social beings. From the moment we're born, our safety and survival depend on connection. As children, we look to our caregivers not just for food and shelter, but for feedback about who we are and how we’re doing. “Am I lovable?” “Am I okay?” “Do I belong?”

So much of our sense of self is shaped in relationship.

If you grew up in environments where love or approval felt conditional — where you had to be quiet, helpful, funny, agreeable, or invisible to stay safe — then of course it makes sense that you learned to pay close attention to other people’s reactions. It wasn’t vanity or weakness. It was wisdom. Your nervous system was doing its best to protect you.

That sensitivity you carry now may have begun as a strength. And maybe it still is — just one that needs care, not criticism.

Person-Centred Therapy: A Different Kind of Mirror

In person-centred therapy, I don’t diagnose or label. I don’t analyse you from afar. Instead, I meet you with empathy, acceptance, and unconditional positive regard — those are core conditions in this way of working. And here’s why that matters in the context of caring about others’ opinions:

When we spend so much of our lives being shaped by other people’s expectations, we can lose touch with who we are underneath them. Therapy can become one of the few spaces where you’re not trying to perform, please, or prove anything. Just be.

And in that space, something quite powerful can happen.

When you’re consistently met with warmth and understanding — not judged or corrected — you start to internalise a new kind of relationship. One where you don’t have to earn your place. Where you don’t have to get it “right” to be worthy of care. Over time, this can help you begin to relate to yourself in a different way, too.

Whose Voice Is It, Really?

Sometimes when we dig gently into the fear of what others might think, we find that it’s not really “others” at all — it’s familiar voices from the past. Maybe a parent who was hard to please. A teacher who shamed you in front of the class. A peer group that only accepted certain versions of you.

These voices can stick around long after the people have gone. And they can become internalised as our own inner critic. “Don’t say that.” “They’ll think you’re weird.” “You always mess this up.”

Part of the work we might do together is simply noticing those voices. Naming them. And slowly loosening their grip. Not by arguing with them, but by bringing a softer, kinder presence into the conversation — one that honours your experience and reminds you that you don’t have to keep shrinking to feel safe.

It’s Not About Stopping the Caring

I often say: the goal isn’t to stop caring what people think. That would be unrealistic — and maybe even unhelpful. Our relationships matter. Feedback matters. We don’t exist in isolation, and connection can be a source of great healing.

But there’s a difference between being aware of others and being ruled by them.

What therapy offers — especially person-centred therapy — is a chance to come back into balance. To reconnect with your feelings, your values, and your sense of self, so that other people’s opinions don’t carry more weight than your own.

When you care less about what others think, it’s not because you’ve stopped feeling — it’s because you’ve started considering yourself too.

In Your Own Time

If this all resonates, please know: you don’t have to rush the process. It’s okay to still feel sensitive to people’s reactions. It’s okay if some situations still leave you shaky or uncertain. You are not behind. You are not failing. You’re learning how to be in relationship with yourself — maybe for the first time.

And that’s a brave, beautiful thing.