7 Things I’ve Learned as a Therapist Specialising in Social Anxiety

Working with people who experience shyness and social anxiety has taught me so much – not just about therapy, but about being human. Whether you've been living with social anxiety for years, or it's something that's crept up more recently, you're not alone. Here are 7 things I’ve learned along the way that I hope bring you some reassurance:

1. Most people have felt anxious in a social situation.

It might not always be obvious, but social anxiety is incredibly common. Even the person who looks calm and confident might have sweaty palms under the table or a thousand thoughts racing through their head. Feeling anxious before a meeting, a party, or even a one-to-one conversation doesn’t make you "different" — it makes you human.

2. Your inner voice may be loud – but it’s rarely true.

You know that little voice that tells you, "Everyone thinks you’re awkward," or "You said the wrong thing"? It can feel so convincing in the moment. But here's the thing: anxious thoughts aren't facts. Just because you think something, doesn't make it true. Therapy can help you learn to notice those automatic thoughts without letting them take over.

3. Most people are too busy worrying about themselves.

It’s easy to feel like you’re under a spotlight — that everyone is watching, noticing every small thing you say or do. In reality, most people are wrapped up in their own worlds: thinking about their own performance, their own worries, and their own internal chatter. That intense self-awareness you feel isn’t shared by the people around you. If anything, they’re probably wondering what you think about them!

4. You don’t have to ‘fake it till you make it.’

The idea that you need to plaster on a confident persona or act like someone you're not can feel exhausting — and, honestly, a little disheartening. You don’t have to perform. True confidence grows when you feel safe enough to show up as yourself, not as a version of you that you think people will like. Small steps, in your own way, are more sustainable — and much more meaningful — than trying to ‘fake’ your way through social situations.

5. Small, quiet acts of bravery count.

You don’t have to give a speech, host a party, or suddenly become the life of the room for it to be ‘brave'. Bravery can look like sending a message to a new colleague. It can look like speaking up in a meeting (even if your voice shakes). It can look like staying in a conversation five minutes longer than you usually would. Small acts build up over time, creating real, lasting change.

6. Feeling more comfortable doesn’t involve changing who you are.

You don’t need to become an extrovert. You don’t need to force yourself to love big group settings if they’re just not your thing. Social anxiety isn’t about your personality being wrong; it’s about fear and self-judgment getting in the way of you being able to express who you are, naturally and comfortably. Therapy is about helping you feel safer being yourself — not about making you into someone you’re not.

7. There are no quick fixes – because you’re not broken.

It’s really tempting to hope for a magic trick that makes social anxiety disappear overnight. And I get it because living with social anxiety can be exhausting. But healing isn’t about "fixing" something that’s wrong with you. You are not broken. Working through social anxiety is a process of building understanding, compassion, and new tools for navigating the world. It takes time. It’s not linear. And that's okay. Every step you take towards gentleness with yourself is a step forward.

Final Thoughts

Social anxiety can make the world feel like a harder, scarier place to navigate .But I want you to know that growth is possible and you don’t have to do it alone. If you see yourself reflected in any of these points, you're already doing some of the quiet, brave work it takes to move forward.

Whether through therapy or simply through reading blogs like this one, there are spaces where you can untangle those thoughts at your own pace, without pressure. You deserve that space.

If you’d like to find out more about how I work, or how therapy might support you, browse my website or email me at laura@laurawoodtherapy.co.uk.

Warmly,

Laura