Why Doesn't My Therapist Give Me Advice or Strategies?

If you've ever found yourself wondering, “Why won’t my therapist just tell me what to do?” — you're not alone.

It’s a very common question, especially in the early stages of therapy. You might be feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or unsure, and what you want most is for someone to give you a map — a list of steps, a set of strategies, something concrete that will help you feel better right now. That’s a completely valid desire. It makes sense to want relief and clarity, especially if social anxiety has been making everyday situations feel draining or confusing.

But if you’re working with a person-centred therapist — like me — you might notice that I don’t often give advice or prescribe strategies. This can feel surprising or even frustrating, especially if you've come from more structured approaches, or if you're new to therapy and were hoping for a toolbox full of fixes.

So why don’t I give advice?

Let’s explore that.

The Person-Centred Approach Is About You, Not Me

In person-centred therapy, the belief is that you are the expert on your own life. Even if things feel foggy or uncertain right now, I trust that — given the right conditions — you have the capacity to find your way. My job isn’t to lead, instruct, or correct, but to walk alongside you. To create a space where you can hear your own thoughts more clearly, where you feel safe enough to explore what's really going on underneath the surface.

Advice, in contrast, often comes from my perspective — my experiences, my assumptions, my idea of what might work for you. That can risk pulling you away from yourself.

Strategies Can Sometimes Be a Shortcut Away from Feeling

There are absolutely times and places where strategies can be helpful — grounding techniques, communication tools, breathing exercises, and so on. But in person-centred therapy, we’re more focused on the why behind your experiences than on immediately trying to fix or suppress them.

For example, if social anxiety is making it hard for you to speak up in meetings, I could offer a list of communication techniques or confidence hacks. But that might skip over something deeper — like a fear of being judged, or a belief that your voice doesn’t matter. When we rush into solutions, we might unintentionally miss the root of the issue.

In a person-centred space, we slow down. We get curious. We sit with the discomfort, not to prolong it, but to understand it — and in doing so, to loosen its grip.

It’s About Building Inner Trust, Not Outer Dependence

When someone gives us advice, it can feel comforting in the moment — like someone else is holding the steering wheel. But what happens when they’re no longer around? Or when the advice stops working?

What I want for you is something more lasting — not reliance on me, but a deeper connection with yourself. That includes your needs, your feelings, your boundaries, your choices. The more you practise tuning in to your own internal compass, the more confidence you can build in your ability to navigate life — including the messy, uncertain, socially awkward bits.

It’s okay if you don’t feel that trust yet. That’s what therapy is for. But instead of replacing your voice with mine, I’m here to help you hear your own.

You’re Not Broken — You’re Becoming

There’s a message hidden inside a lot of advice and strategies: “You need to be fixed.”

But person-centred therapy starts from a different place. It assumes that you are not broken, but human. That your anxiety, your hesitation, your ways of coping — they’ve all had a reason. They’ve helped you survive in some way. We’re not here to shame those parts or force them to change before they’re ready.

By approaching yourself with compassion and understanding, change often happens naturally. Not because you’ve forced it, but because something inside you has shifted.

What If I Still Want Something Practical?

That’s fair! Person-centred therapy doesn’t mean we never talk about strategies. Sometimes we do. But when it happens, it’s usually coming from you. You might say, “I think I want to try something different in that situation next time,” and we might explore what that could look like. We collaborate. I might offer reflections, observations, or questions to help you clarify. But I won’t prescribe or push.

It’s a gentler process — one that honours your pace and your power.

Final Thoughts

It’s okay to want answers. It’s okay to want a way out of the discomfort. But sometimes the most healing thing isn’t to be told what to do — it’s to be truly listened to.

That’s what I aim to offer you in therapy. A space where you’re not judged, not rushed, not told who to be — just supported in being and becoming who you are.