Why does the New Year feel chaotic?

Why the New Year Might Be Asking You to Do Less, Not More

The New Year is often framed as a moment to reset.

To plan.

To improve.

To get organised.

To do better (more) than last year.

But for many people, especially those who already carry the mental load, January doesn’t feel like a fresh start. It feels like another demand.

Another list.

Another expectation.

Another layer of responsibility.

If this resonates, it may be worth considering a different question:

What if the New Year isn’t asking you to do more at all?

When “Fresh Starts” Feel Heavy

For people who naturally take responsibility, January can quietly add pressure.

There are new routines to think about. New intentions to hold in mind. New plans to manage. New expectations to meet.

And if you’re already the one who remembers appointments, organises the household, manages logistics and anticipates everyone else’s needs, the New Year can feel like another thing to carry rather than a chance to rest.

This is something I often explore in my work around mental load and invisible labour, where people realise that the overwhelm isn’t about motivation or discipline. It’s about how much responsibility they’re holding, often quietly and alone.

January Arrives After Depletion

Another reason the New Year feels heavy is that it follows a demanding season.

Christmas doesn’t end on Christmas Day. For many people, it involves weeks of planning, organising, managing expectations and emotional labour.

By the time January arrives, your body and nervous system may finally slow down. And when that happens, fatigue often becomes clearer.

This can look like low energy, irritability, emotional flatness or a sense of “I just can’t face things right now.”

It’s not a lack of ambition. It’s a sign you’ve been doing a lot.

What If January Isn’t About Fixing?

There’s a strong cultural message that January is the time to sort yourself out.

But many people I work with don’t need fixing. They need relief.

They need:

• fewer responsibilities resting on their shoulders

• more shared effort in their relationships

• clearer communication about needs

• permission to rest without guilt

  
  

The idea that the New Year should involve pushing harder can be particularly unhelpful if you’re already stretched thin.

Instead of asking “What should I change about myself?”, a gentler question might be:

What could I stop carrying this year?

Doing Less as an Act of Balance

Doing less doesn’t mean disengaging from life. It means becoming more intentional about where your energy goes.

For some people, doing less might look like:

• not setting ambitious resolutions

• slowing down routines rather than upgrading them

• sharing responsibility instead of managing it

• saying no sooner, without over-explaining

• letting things be imperfect rather than held together

  
  

These shifts are subtle, but they matter.

This is often where imbalance shows up most clearly in relationships. Not through big conflicts, but through one person quietly doing more. If this resonates, you might find it helpful to explore how I work with individuals around relationship imbalance and mental load on my therapy page.

When Doing Less Feels Uncomfortable

For many people, the idea of doing less is concerning.

Who will pick things up if I don’t? What if things fall apart? What if I disappoint someone?

These fears are understandable, especially if you’ve learned that things work because you make them work.

But healthy relationships can tolerate small disappointments. They don’t rely on one person absorbing all the effort so everyone else stays comfortable.

Learning to do less often means allowing others to do more, even if it looks different to how you would do it. That can feel unsettling at first. But it’s often where balance begins.

A Quieter Way to Approach the Year Ahead

Rather than setting resolutions, you might consider an intention that centres around support instead of self-improvement.

Something like:

I want to feel less responsible for everything. I want to share the load more evenly. I want to notice my limits earlier. I want to rest without guilt.

These aren’t goals to achieve. They’re directions to move towards.

If you’d like a practical starting point, my free Household Rebalance Guide offers gentle tools and language for making invisible labour visible and beginning to shift patterns without blame or confrontation.

A final thought

If the New Year feels heavy, it may be inviting you to slow down. To notice where you’re stretched. And to question whether doing less might actually bring more balance.

You don’t need to start the year strong. You don’t need a perfect plan. And you don’t need to carry everything into another year.

Sometimes the most meaningful New Year change is allowing yourself to stop doing so much. We can work on this together, you don't have to figure it all out on your own. Get in touch on my website or send me an email at laura@laurawoodtherapy.co.uk

Warmly,

Laura